I felt the need to write my thoughts at 4:17 am, while stuck on my Emergency Room duty. I am currently working as a medical social welfare officer in a government hospital. Since my first day of duty, it has always been the worse-case-scenario-kind-of-day. We are basically the troubleshooter in the hospital, aside from the primary troubleshooters -- the medical technical personnel. We solve problems ranging from giving financial assistance to the burial of abandoned patients (I can go all day listing all our duties and responsibilities but I won't go there). I actually salute my co-workers who have rendered 20 years in service in this kind of work.
And at this point of my life, with the work chaos and all, I feel that I'm so far away from the person I wanted to be. I feel so disconnected. I feel lost (cliche but it's the truth).
Disconnected from learning.
Disconnected from work.
Disconnected from family.
Disconnected from my goals.
Disconnected my hobbies.
Disconnected from my old self.
Disconnected from my passion.
I may be just feeling stuck because I haven't traveled for 3 months now (Yes, that's too much idle months for me). Plus, I am currently pressured to keep up with my graduate studies (paper works overload!). I need to pay bills and assist family's financial obligations. I need to meet up the work expected outcomes, and do night shifts. So yeah, so much adulting is happening right now and it is draining my soul out. I came with a conclusion that I am not fit to deal with that adulting shit (excuse my language).
And yes, I notice I'm such a drama queen and a whining child but I know someone out there get my drift and struggles to keep their heads up from the water.
