This time I take a step back

Caution: Too cliche. Too whiny. You might just want to skip this. 

I will religiously follow your advice this time. Watch me. 

And for that, I need to take a step back.

I need to find myself. I need to control myself. I need to be optimistic.

My stomach churns with hate hearing those phrases all over again, because I already acknowledge the problem and working on it to solve it. And, of course, I know the feeling of frustration on how people don't follow instantly on my advice. I've been there, those exact phrases were the advice I give out to people whom I think needs it. 

As the need to take these phrases for my own dose, I need a step back. I realize it is not fucking easy. It is not fucking easy as going out from your house, looking up and smile at the blue sky and flying birds said say, "Oh yes, I feel good now", or as easy as thinking of the other people's misery and problems which are far more worst than your own current problems (which it really super easy because I work in the Emergency Room, you know what I mean), or taking a pain reliever pill and the will fade away after five minutes. 

It takes a process to rewire your brain from being so negative, lazy,and uncontrollable.

And sometimes, it takes more than yourself alone to ease the storm of emotions inside you. It's not like as saying goes "Misery loves company", but it is more of seeking other people's help to quickly recover from the pit of problems you have, it is more about seeking a listening ear to hear your heart out without being judged. Just a listening ear, no more than that. 

But, of course, you cannot have that luxury all the time.

And I perfect understand it now. Crystal clear.

People have lives and problems to take care too. Sometimes, it would be too much of you to ask that big role to other people. You do not demand it from other people, unless it would be voluntarily given to you. 

As a part of this thing called adulting, you need to toughen up and grow up like the person you need to be to survive. As difficult as it is, yes, do not expect other people to do the works for you. You need to do it on your own, and sometimes you need space from the people you depend on. It is hard, yes, but you must not always burden others of your emotional luggage. 

 You need to take a step back,  I think I need to step back this time. It's difficult and it hurts, but I think I need to do it alone this time.

but sometimes I need help, but maybe not now, I think.